Emily Lockley met her partner on the dance floor, she is a self confessed true Taurean, loves reality TV, is obsessed with her dog and iced lattes, but above all of this she is a woman- a woman who desperately wants to have a baby and is giving it a good ol' Aussie crack.
Emily is the founder of the site Getting a Bun in the Oven, this website is a personal blog, but reads more like a diary, a diary because it is honest, raw and from the heart. Emily exposes her soul and the truth she faces every day- she is having troubles conceiving a child.
The subject of infertility has often been considered tabboo, for many reasons it is the subject that is whispered about at parties, cried about into pillows and carried heavy on the hearts of couples trying to bring a child into the world. We are at a very wonderful time, where women are celebrated as mothers, there is a very positive momvement in celebrating womens bodies and the power it possesses to create, carry and birth a human- but what happens when you are that 1 out of 6 couples who face this reality of infertility?
Inferitility is the name given to couples who have had unprotected sex for over 12 months, without falling pregant, and the current statistics show that 40% of the infertitily is attributed to the male sperm, whilst 40% is attributed to the women's reproductive system, and the other third is a combination of both.
Here is an inspring interview with Emily, I encourage you all to read it and to check out her site, it has great insight into how to deal with infertility problems, and also how to help those around you who may be going through it.
-Em your blog is so inspiring to me, why do you believe it's important for you to spread awareness about the aspects of "getting a bun in the oven"
Oh thankyou so much! To be honest I started my blog as a way of clearing my head and it was a place that I could be completely honest without having to tell someone in person, which can be really hard to do. As I got further into all of this shitty infertility business I realised that no one wanted to talk about it, it made friends and family awkward to hear me open up. It became clear to me that infertility is very secret society, it's a taboo subject and I don't like it. I hope that by being honest and upfront about my infertility and the way my partner and are I trying to make a baby it will give other women the courage to talk, ask and not feel embarrassed or ashamed of their infertility.
- I love the name by the way, what made you choose it (a part from the obvious) ?
Haha well 'oh shit I'm infertile' didn't seem appropriate. I tried to think of a name that had some wit about it as well as being real and letting people know as soon as they saw it what it was all about
- Tell us a little about your journey.
I have endometriosis and cystic ovaries (sounds very attractive doesn't it!) so this makes it really difficult for my body to ovulate and also for my body to hold onto a pregnancy. We've don't 5 rounds of ovulation induction this year and we are just about to start another one, which basically means injecting myself each night to trick my lazy ovaries into producing and ovulating eggs. So far we have had 2 cycles which have worked but devastatingly they have both ended in miscarriages. Our next step was for me to have surgery which I had in August to remove any Endometriosis and flush my tubes. I had a similar surgery a few years ago, but being the bugger it is, Endo grows back. So we have everything crossed (not the baby making parts) that we will have everything lined up and we will have some exciting news to share very soon!
- has it helped you connect with other women?
I was amazed when my blog took off and all of a sudden I had all these incredible women sharing their stories and their journeys with me, and telling me how they were relating to my blog. I have met so many inspiring women and they have turned out to be the ones who can understand me the most. We can relate and truly know how each other are feeling because we are going through the same things. They are amazing, strong and just beautiful women and I feel so lucky that I have them as part of this journey. With my writing I have also recently joined the incredible team at Go Ask Mum, an amazing website for all kinds of parenting and pregnancy advice. It’s a website for Mums, run by Mums and I feel so honoured to be part of an amazing team who are so supportive and are always looking for ways to help mums, want to be mum and girls who are pregnant.
- You have a very honest approach to your writing, why is this important to you?
Honesty is important to me in general, so with my blog and my freelance writing if I'm going to tell the world I'm going to be honest about it. My writing isn't for everyone and I can appreciate that, but I relate to people's stories when they are honest and raw. If you're reading my blog and going through IVF, chances are you're feeling exactly the same way as I am some of the time and I want people to know that there are other people going through the same thing. There is comfort in knowing that someone else knows how you are feeling
- Have you imagined your own birth one day?
Oh absolutely I have, long before any of this started. I've always wanted to be a Mum, so I've thought about most aspects of it all. Before we started our fertility treatment I was a control freak, I don't like anything not going to plan which has made this process even more difficult. So before all of this started I would have answered you with a detailed plan, a list of do's and don'ts among other things. Now all I want is a healthy baby, and however they arrive is ok with me. In saying that, if it was all in my control I would want peace and quiet, calmness and to just be in the moment of welcoming this incredible gift into our lives
- Do you believe if the divine? Like fate and destiny and spirits?
I believe in fate and destiny but I also believe that if you work hard enough and work your bum off (or in my case work my ovaries off) that you can achieve anything. I believe that some things happen for a reason, but we sometimes don’t know the reason straight away. Now that I have had time to process our two miscarriages I know that they weren’t our babies and as devastated as I am about them, I know that when we get our baby we will know why the other little ones didn’t stay.
- I ask because, your post titled "Dear future Baby"- made me truly believe that there is a little spirit angel waiting in the shadows, for the right time to join you- is that how you feel?
It’s funny that you ask this, because I just recently said to my Mum that I am comforted by the thought that my Grandparents who have both passed away are keeping my baby safe and will send him or her to us when the time is right. That may be an odd thought for some, but if you had met my grandparents you would know what no two people could be more loving or gentle and that thinking that they are looking after my baby for me brings me comfort and joy and I know what when we get the exciting news it will be a sign from them that this baby is ours and was always meant to be ours.
- Although many of your posts are humorous, they also evoke a deep sense of sadness, which is completely understandable- how do you keep the sadness at bay?
I do feel a deep sense of sadness about most of the time, a heartbreaking sense of true sadness that we have lost after fighting so hard for something we want so desperately. Some days I don’t keep the sadness at bay, it runs so deep that I just can’t. But for me I know that I have to keep going, keep trying and so I get up every morning and persevere because I have too. In saying that, I also have days where I don’t leave the house, I cancel plans and I stay in my trackies all day and zone out the rest of the world and pretend none of this is happening. I give myself a day, a day to be sad and feel sorry for myself and have a good cry and then I get on with it.
- Would you consider adoption?
Absolutely. I want a baby, to start a family and whatever way that happens I am ok with. We are not at the point yet that we need to focus on adoption but we have spoken about it, along with Surrogacy and we are definitely open to them both.
For me I need to know that I have tried my hardest at conceiving myself, to have put everything into falling pregnant and carrying my own baby, it’s something that is very important to me and if the day comes that we need to go down the adoption road I will know that’s what is meant for us because we will have tried our very hardest in all other ways. Our baby is our baby, no matter how they come to us.
- It can be an awkward conversation for many people- talking about infertility- what is the best way for people to approach the subject without causing any disrespect?
Just talk about it, ask about it and acknowledge it. It is an awkward subject, but it can be made so much more awkward by ignoring it. For anyone going through fertility treatment, no matter how they are doing it, they are feeling so many things; Guilt, sadness, fear, hope, embarrassment, excitement, and nervousness – when it’s ignored and not spoken about for me it feels like I should be ashamed or embarrassed and that’s a horrible feeling.
When you go through a loss like a miscarriage or a failed cycle and people don’t acknowledge it, you can feel very alone. Even if you don’t know what to say, just say something, it may come out wrong, or not the way you intended it but saying the wrong thing is so much better than saying nothing.
If you have someone in your life going through what I am all I can say is; acknowledge her, acknowledge this life altering path she is on and love her.
Thank you so much Em for allowing me this opportunity to showcase your journey, I hope it inspires women and men all around the world to reach out to their friends and family who may be facing the harsh reality of infertility. There is so much hope and light in your writing and I know your baby will come to you, and I hope to share your journey on The Haven Stories!
Follow Em, by clicking on any of the following links!